Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
home. puking in laundry basket.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
