So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
