Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
