So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Even my vagina gasped.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
