I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Randomize
