Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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