she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
