Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
