You can't special order awesome
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We're not piercing ourselves today.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
