so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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