the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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