I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize