I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
