bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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