Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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