I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have aggressive nipples.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
