I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
