either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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