Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
