dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
