apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
