alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
