ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
