So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
