i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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