Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
