She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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