I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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