Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
