Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Randomize
