things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
