If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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