I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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