I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
