im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
