the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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