vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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