How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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