It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
