I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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