I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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