i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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