I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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