god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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