dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
