I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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