i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
