Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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