i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
