I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
