Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
