i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
