Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
