I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
