Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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