I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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