You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
