I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
