he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
