so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
