"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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