I showed him my bush... on skype.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
