No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
