Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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