I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
