We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
